Memento Movi
The result of serious hyper-fixation and a sensory dependant cognition has turned a very winding path, many paths dropped and picked up again later wayward Journeys into stranger and stranger woods. Through some miracle of circumstance I found myself in a clearing, the most important decisions in my life have always been on the off-handed easily forgotten half-cached node of information, a sentence in a book half-remembered, a single thought of a scholar translated badly by a Youtube-r. a Mosaic-vision makes a mosaic-mind (thank you Luke) and the strange thing about the mosaic, is that the tiles can come from anywhere and where they came from doesn’t really matter, what matters is the connections between.
eyes closed, hands open
turned up and raised
wings in a blue dawn
the middle of a thought
watch where the world calls
and listen
I’m sure my life’s story will spill itself out through this or in a deeper writing in another time, hopefully I’ll be used to writing again. Simply put I am high in openness and creativity and as Dr. Peterson says “it’s very difficult to get our lives together” which, it is. in my early adulthood I actually did begin making some serious progress into a lifestyle of creativity that could genuinely put me forward, I failed many times and each time grew in the capacity and ability to fail better the next time, For me sadly, it was for the wrong way, it was the Social Justice Warrior-way the Niddhogg, Ouroborous ever growing ever self-devouring Dragon. it works and unfortunately it’s more powerful than people give it credit and barring some severe cognitive dissonance it’s unavoidable to see, it defines you by how much you can break. Breaking is alright (it’s also unavoidable) but making a lifestyle of that will force you to offer your identity to be either, more and more fragile, or breaking it more and more. I have a poem I wrote literally called “my privilege” and then I saw the good Doctor, the Self-Help-Snake-Oil-Sort-Yourself-Out-Lobster-King and I was completely flung out, the way forward in a social activist community is a wall when you think Jordan is right.
and he is.
Watch the dust in the wind
As a fire ignites itself in the centre ground
Watch the impressions of the wrestlers feet
It is not what is pressed
Nor what is conceded,
but how the dance gives itself into the dirt and the earth grips the toes for the throw* (excerpt - Yarda’sralah)
It’s self-evident what Jordan is doing but it really can’t be understated what he has done for civilisation, to prove and convince the presence and relevance and almost irrefutable nature of meaning as real, it’s really cool.
But I had to go through a lot after that, still am. The questions that rattled me for the longest times and the challenges I had to confront and responsibilities I had to impart; am I right wing? am I being convinced of evil ideologies? how wrong are the masses? what do I actually believe and what is emotionally rewarding and how do those change me. I can’t deny that I was thrust into a very strange time…. it got easier when I realised I’m not alone. I don’t just mean with people. I learned to listen to a panoply of self and began to understand The Path as what you do Fully, to participate in reality that lets you acknowledge…everything, for me that includes god.. but thats for a different time.
The centre of this essay is to talk about what my path is now, in someways I have begun to specialise in other ways I’m trying to sneak the world under your noses.
In victory roman caesars paraded the city and were lauded by the public, cheers and adulation even sparks of fear and the apex of their glory shone through the city, there was a slave famous for being allowed to whisper in their lords ear “Memento Mori”
“remember death”
Death is something I feel like we have remembered, in some cases to the point of not acknowledging every other part of life. But movement is something we do not understand.
and to me, moving is the holy moment.
Movement simultaneously stops deconstruction and invites chaos, small actions have large consequences and large consequences make millions of tiny effects. Meaning shows itself where two points are in relationship; action-to-goal, story-to-experience. meaning is the spirit that animates and is only seen in the animation and lost in the single frame. Movement is humbling and perspective shattering.
In between
Point a and point b
Is a moment
Of infinity.
In you (excerpt Move Beyond)
I have begun to see the world in this blur, this pattern of a million different phenomena and moments shining to each other like sand caught in a wind.
the movement is the goal the presence in the flow is what matters.
There is no city more important and no state worth more
there is no book to publish or poem to write
no mountain to ascend no prayer to utter
no silence sight or sound greater
no weight to lift or lose.
than every single breath you take.
Memento Movi
than every breath you take